


Hesitant

by ynikiforovv



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Relationships, M/M, not really sure what this is, slow burn ig?, so yea theres that based off life experiences, was actually kind of a vent abt smth that happened to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:39:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14924195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ynikiforovv/pseuds/ynikiforovv
Summary: When Yamaguchi confesses to Tsukishima on a whim, he expects everything to go wrong. Instead he gets a weird in-between on the fence answer. When Yamaguchi confesses out of the blue, Tsukishima only just realizes how he feels, and in a panic to avoid ruining everything by rushing into it he denies having felt anything at all. He plans to wait, to make sure he's absolutely one-hundred-percent sure before telling Yamaguchi about it, but he never considered the possibility of having to push someone else out of the way to do it.





	Hesitant

It was late at night, around one in the morning, and Yamaguchi sat up on his bed with his legs crossed, his phone in his hands. He knew he should be asleep, because he was going to be dead on his feet during practice, but his thoughts had been keeping him awake all night, and if he wanted to sleep Yamaguchi knew he had to do something about it.

 

His hands shook slightly as he held his phone in his hands and stared at the screen. He shifted his right hand slightly and extended his thumb, leaving it hovering over the call button. He knew he had to do this while he somewhat had the courage, he had dialed Tsukishima’s number already, but he couldn’t make himself press that button. All it would take is moving his finger just slightly, and he would be forced to fess up and tell Tsukishima everything.

 

He couldn’t do it. Yamaguchi sighed and brought his phone up to rest on his face as he leaned back to lay his head on his pillow, letting it rest on his forehead, frustrated with himself. He couldn’t even muster up the courage to confess to the person he liked. Then again, it was his best friend, and doing that was risking everything he had built up with Tsukishima over the years. Plus, there was the fact that they were both guys, and Yamaguchi didn’t know if Tsukishima was even gay. The probability of him liking guys _and_ liking Yamaguchi was slim to nothing.

 

Then Yamaguchi heard a faint ringing coming from his phone, and realized he had accidentally pressed the call button with his face. Panicking, he tossed his phone over to the other side of his bed, but realized he had forgotten to hang up. He quickly uncrossed his legs, sat back up, and scrambled over to it, hanging up as quickly as possible. He could only hope that Tsukishima hadn’t heard it ring.

 

Once he had hung up, Yamaguchi relaxed, and now laid on his stomach on his bed, arms extended over the edge, holding his phone in his hands once more. It wasn’t the right time to tell Tsukishima anyways.

 

Suddenly the screen lit up again, and his phone began ringing. Startled, Yamaguchi dropped his phone off the edge of his bed, and immediately dove for it, resulting in him somersaulting off of the bed, rolling onto the floor and past his phone.

 

He quickly sat up, turned around, and picked his phone up from the ground, answering the call, “H-hey Tsukki!”

 

“It’s almost one in the morning Yamaguchi, why are you still awake?”

 

Yamaguchi felt his cheeks burn as he prepared himself for what he was going to say. He couldn’t just hang up now.

 

“I… I was just wondering,” his whole body was shaking now, the nerves taking over, “How would you tell somebody you like them?”

 

He ended up chickening out. Yamaguchi wanted to hang up, but he couldn’t now that he had started a conversation, “I’ve talked to Sugawara-san about it already, but I wanted a second opinion.”

 

Tsukishima paused for a moment before responding, “Well to be honest if someone were to tell me they liked me I’d prefer it to be straightforward, but that’s just me. I'd probably be straightforward too. Dragging it out would be stupid."

 

Yamaguchi nodded, filing the information away in his brain, “T-thanks Tsukki. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Yamaguchi.”

 

Tsukishima hung up, and Yamaguchi tossed his phone back up onto his bed. He climbed back up onto his bed and grabbed his pillow, burying his face in it from embarrassment.. He almost screwed everything up, he almost told Tsukishima. Then where would he be? He would most likely lose his best, and only, friend, and who knows what would happen after that. It just wouldn’t have been worth it.

 

He leaned forward and face-planted back onto his bed, his face still buried in the pillow. Without looking, Yamaguchi reached over and switched off the lamp he had turned on just minutes before when he had decided to call Tsukishima. He lifted his face from the pillow, and turned onto his side. Pulling his blankets over his shoulders, Yamaguchi set his phone on his nightstand, and closed his eyes. Despite being exhausted, he was up for hours more, tossing and turning, his heart still racing. He never ended up getting to sleep.

 

* * *

  

Yamaguchi was walking to school the next day, stifling a yawn, when he heard a voice behind him.

 

“So what was that call last night about?”

 

He was startled at first, but he relaxed as soon as his mind registered that it was Tsukishima. He didn’t even look over, but he knew that Tsukishima had began to walk at the same pace as him, just like always. He could hear his friend’s footsteps crunching in the loose pebbles strewn across the sidewalk beside him.

 

“I just wanted to make sure I got this right and got an opinion from a few people. I really _really_ like them and didn't want to screw it up,” Yamaguchi couldn’t believe he was doing this. Every instinct told him to shut the hell up, but he kept talking, “I like you Tsukki. Like really really like you. No sugarcoating, no nothing. Just the straight up honest truth.”

 

When Tsukishima didn’t respond Yamaguchi began to flounder, and he just kept talking in an attempt to prevent an awkward silence, “Well, I mean, it’s not really _straight_ considering that I just told you that I have a crush on you and basically said that I’m gay but it’s just the saying, or is that not really a saying, is it more of just a common phrasing? But that’s beside the point anyways I really really hope I didn’t just completely screw up our thing I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to make things awkward I really hope I didn’t just make things awkward come on Tsukki say something I’m panicking here.”

 

Tsukishima hesitated for a moment more, and responded without even looking over at Yamaguchi, “If you'd give me a second to think I'd respond a lot faster.”

 

Yamaguchi felt his heart drop, and he was prepared for complete rejection.

 

“I  _do_ really like you, but I’m not quite sure if it’s the way you want me to yet.”

 

“O-oh…” Yamaguchi felt a weight growing in the pit of his stomach, “Okay.”

 

Somehow this was worse than rejection. The on the fence answer Tsukishima had given gave him a reason to still have hope, instead of giving him a straightforward yes or no answer. And the yet part of it only fueled the flames.

 

“So,” Tsukishima acted as if he had completely forgotten about what had just happened, and was starting up a normal conversation, “How have you been doing with your serves?”

 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath and responded, he wanted things to not be awkward, and not talking about it was the best way to do that, at least he thought so, “Pretty good. They’re working more often than not, so that’s a step forward.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yamaguchi couldn’t seem to get comfortable. He was on the bus on the way home from a volleyball match, and he completely was exhausted, but he couldn’t seem to find the right position to sleep in. Normally he would lean on Tsukishima and fall asleep like that, but now that was out of the question. Not after he had confessed and been pretty much rejected.

 

Keeping his eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to let sleep come more easily, he moved around yet again, this time sitting normally in his seat and leaning his head forward to rest on the one in front of him.

 

“Yamaguchi,” he heard Tsukishima’s voice from next to him, “Stop moving around so much.”

 

Yamaguchi quickly sat up and opened his eyes, “Sorry Tsukki, I just can’t get comfortable.”

 

“Well figure out a way to get comfortable and stop making so much noise.”

 

“Sorry Tsukki.”

 

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

 

Yamaguchi felt his face grow red for no reason, and he hunched his shoulders, hiding his face with the collar of his jacket. He frowned to himself, wishing he could figure out how to fall asleep without moving around and bothering Tsukishima. He chalked up Tsukishima’s annoyance to him simply being tired, but part of him knew it wasn’t that. Tsukishima had been more short with him ever since he had confessed, and he didn’t really blame him. It was probably pretty stressful dealing with the fact that your best friend had feelings of a romantic nature for you.

 

Even though they acted as if nothing had changed since he had come clean, Yamaguchi knew everything had changed. The air between them had changed, but they refused to admit it. Their conversations on the way to school were stiff and awkward, like neither of them really wanted to talk, and the topic of Yamaguchi’s feelings and how Tsukishima felt about his feelings felt like it was going to be brought up any second.

 

Yamaguchi hadn’t even realized he had been moving around again until he felt a pair of headphones being shoved over his ears with a little more force than probably was necessary. He was turning to face his friend when he felt Tsukishima’s arm around him, pulling him close.

 

He felt his face grow warmer agian, and he didn’t dare look up at Tsukishima just in case it made it worse. Instead he buried his face farther in his jacket collar and mumbled, “Tsukki I thought you—”

 

“Just because you won’t stop moving around and making noise,” Tsukishima’s voice was slightly muffled by the headphones, but still audible due to the lack of music playing at the moment, “Now shut up and sleep.”

 

Yamaguchi ignored his burning cheeks and moved closer to Tsukishima, deciding he would take what he could get when he could get it. He pulled his hands into his jacket sleeves and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling Tsukishima’s arm tighten instinctively around his shoulder as the bus hit a small bump.

 

As he was closing his eyes, one of his favorite songs started playing through the headphones, and he wondered if it was just coincidence or if Tsukishima had picked the song on purpose. He didn’t have much time to wonder though, because he fell asleep before it was over.

 

* * *

 

 

Tsukishima was already regretting his decision to put his arm around Yamaguchi and let him basically use his chest as a pillow. His cheeks burned with embarrassment from having the guy who he thought he might have kinda-sorta liked right up against him. This definitely wasn’t helping him figure anything out like he had wanted to.

 

He tried doing something, anything to distract him, but without his headphones he was pretty much out of options. He had stupidly sacrificed them to Yamaguchi, and wondered for a moment if he would notice if Tsukishima slid them off and took them back. He quickly dismissed the thought once he looked at Yamaguchi’s face as he slept.

 

He felt the heat rising in his cheeks again as he watched him sleep, just as he had thought they were going to cool down. He sighed. There was no way he was distracting himself without music. So, trying to move as little as possible, he reached over into his bag for his spare pair of earbuds. They were uncomfortable as hell, and made his ears hurt, but it was better than nothing to distract him at all.

 

He stretched his arm, but the cord was just barely out of reach. He kept reaching for it anyways, and finally was able to snag the cord on just his fingertip. He tugged slightly and brought it closer to him, and finally it was close enough for him to actually grab them. Tsukishima only realized his mistake as he went to plug them in. He had completely forgotten that Yamaguchi was using Tsukishima’s phone to listen to music, not his own. He wondered briefly if he could manage to find Yamaguchi's phone and steal his, but quickly decided against it, because it was just too much effort.

 

Defeated, he tossed the useless earbuds back into his bag and stared out the window. That was almost a worse decision than his decision to pull Yamaguchi to his side and wrap an arm around him. Staring out the window provoked thoughts, and that was something Tsukishima did not want to deal with at the moment.

 

He sighed, and leaned his head back against his seat. He closed his eyes and hoped that sleep would come easily. It didn’t, but then again, it never did. Not when his mind was as preoccupied as it had been lately.

 

* * *

 

 

Tsukishima had been fast asleep when his alarm went off. He groaned and reached over to his nightstand for his glasses, stumbling around blindly in the dark. He had forgotten that he had morning practice today. He found his glasses and shoved them onto his face, almost missing his face completely and stabbing himself in the eye with them.

 

He didn’t want to get up and go to practice that day, even more than usual. Not that he really minded having to get up early and play volleyball, but morning practice was just more time he had to spend around Yamaguchi. He didn’t mind spending time around Yamaguchi either, but it felt like every moment he spent near him he just wanted to cave in more and more. He had promised himself he’d wait two weeks, and if the feelings still persisted after that, he would tell Yamaguchi. It had been a week and a half.

 

The irrational part of his brain told him that a few days wouldn’t make that much of a difference, and he should just go for it, but the rational part quickly shut it down. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. If he screwed up, he would ruin everything he had with Yamaguchi more than he already had. He didn’t want to do that.

 

Realizing his alarm was still going off, Tsukishima sat up and reached over to his nightstand once more to turn it off. He grabbed his phone from where it sat next to the alarm clock and began scrolling through it mindlessly, procrastinating getting out of bed.

 

He really wasn’t looking forward to going to practice that morning. Something felt off about the day to him, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was.

 

But he got up anyways, because he _really_ didn’t want to get yelled at by Daichi for ditching.

 

* * *

 

 

He had only been awake for half an hour, and Murphy's law was really hitting him hard. Everything that could have gone wrong so far, was going wrong. He had burnt the eggs he made himself for breakfast despite the fact that he made them every single day, and ran into the door frame on his way out of the house. Now he was late to meet Yamaguchi at the street corner where they always met and walked to school together.

 

He broke into a run as he left his house, hoping that he wasn’t too late and Yamaguchi would still be waiting at the street corner. To his dismay, Yamaguchi wasn’t there, and he debated whether he should wait for him or not. Yamaguchi was late sometimes too, so maybe he was on his way.

 

He had been waiting for almost ten minutes when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out quickly. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw the message was from Yamaguchi, but the smile quickly faded.

 

‘Hey Tsukki! I’m not gonna be at our spot today, I went to practice early to work on my serves. Sorry I didn’t let you know earlier, sorry! ;>->’

 

Tsukishima had spent ages waiting for him, telling himself just one more minute, over and over, and Yamaguchi hadn’t even been coming. He sighed, and put his phone back in his pocket without even typing out a response. Now he was going to be much later than he preferred, unless he ran, and he wasn't too sure he wanted to run.

  
But he did anyways, because as much as he refused to admit it he wanted to see Yamaguchi more.

 

Tsukishima was out of breath and wheezing by the time he had made it to the gym, but he was early, and he had time to catch his breath before Daichi sent them across campus for a run. He called it refreshing, Tsukishima called it torture.

 

“Y-Yamaguchi-kun,” he heard a nervous voice from around the side of the gym. He didn’t recognize it, but it sounded like a girl, “I-I’ve wanted to t-talk to you about this for a-a while.”

 

He recognized what was happening in an instant, he had been on the receiving end of confessions countless times before. This wasn’t what was supposed to be happening. He was going to tell Yamaguchi once he was sure that what he felt was really what he thought he did. Tsukishima had never considered that somebody else might get there first.

 

Without even thinking he bolted around to the side of the gym, and there was Yamaguchi, standing across from a girl who was staring at her shoes. He could see even from the distance he was that her face and ears were bright red. She was reasonably attractive, though Tsukishima had seen better.

 

Still not thinking, he shoved past the girl and grabbed Yamaguchi by the shoulders, “Tadashi I need to talk to you, it’s an emergency.”

 

Yamaguchi looked at him, concern showing on his face, "Tsukki? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

 

"Yeah well it’s an emergency, and you need to come around to the other side of the gym with me to talk about it because it’s private," all reasoning had been completely abandoned at this point, and Tsukishima was just acting on impulse. He had one goal in mind. To keep Yamaguchi from this girl.

 

Not even waiting for a response, Tsukishima let go of Yamaguchi's shoulders and grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him away from the girl, who wasn't looking at her shoes anymore.

 

"What's going on Tsukki? Are you okay? You called me Tadashi, you've never called me by my first name," Yamaguchi followed Tsukishima as he pulled him along, seeming to completely forget about the girl.

 

Tsukishima felt his cheeks start to heat up as his mind slowed down and he began thinking again, and he looked around as he spoke, "I... I wanna talk to you. Just a minute, I want to make sure nobody can see us."

 

He looked around, left and right a few times, like he was crossing the street. Finally, once he was satisfied that they were in a secluded enough area he turned back to face him. His friend's face was worried, and slightly flushed.

 

"So, uh, Tsukki," Yamaguchi broke the silence that hung between them, "What's the emergency?"

 

"I, uh," now that he was actually thinking, Tsukishima had no clue what he was supposed to say, "I... I don't know how to say this, shit, I just, I, no. I really, no that's not right, I… Fuck."

 

He paused for a moment, trying to think of how to say what he wanted to. His brain was still unable to form a coherent thought, and he blurted out the first thing that came to mind and grabbed Yamaguchi by the shoulders again, "Goddamn it, can I just kiss you?"

 

He watched as Yamaguchi's eyes widened and his cheeks flooded with color, "What?! I thought you said this was an emergency? I mean, not that I'd be opposed to that but that was rude! She was in the middle of talking to me and—”

 

Yamaguchi was rambling again, just like he always did when he got nervous, and he would keep going if Tsukishima didn’t do anything about it. So he squeezed his eyes shut, leaned forward, and kissed him, which shut him up instantly.

 

Yamaguchi was frozen, Tsukishima could feel the muscles in his shoulders tense up underneath his hands. When he opened his eyes again and pulled back, Yamaguchi was standing completely still, face bright red, wearing a shell shocked expression.

 

Tsukishima sighed and let go of Yamaguchi’s shoulders upon seeing his face, “Sorry. I’ll go.”

 

He was halfway through his first step backwards when Yamaguchi pushed himself up onto his toes and wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s neck.

 

His weight shifted quickly to his back foot, and he landed on it hard. Yamaguchi’s lips were on his again, and Tsukishima wasn’t the one who initiated it this time. Smiling, Tsukishima wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist and pulled Yamaguchi closer to him.

 

“Hey is everything oka— what the hell?” both boys were too distracted by the fact that they were actually kissing each other, and they were right up against each other, and their lips were toucing, and oh my god this was actually happening to notice that the girl from earlier had crept around the corner. They had actually completely forgotten about her, so her voice startled them immensely.

 

Yamaguchi quickly unwrapped his arms from around Tsukishima’s neck and stepped back, but his foot caught on Tsukishima’s ankle and he stumbled backwards. He would have fallen if it weren’t for Tsukishima grabbing him from around the waist, and him grabbing onto Tsukishima’s jacket.

 

“Uh, sorry Mori-san?” Yamaguchi quickly let go of Tsukishima’s jacket and pulled Tsukishima’s hands from his waist since he was able to right himself now. Yamaguchi turned to face the girl, and straightened his shirt.

 

“Well, I was going to ask you out, but from the looks of it that’s going to be a no,” Mori glared at the two with a slightly puzzled expression mixed in.

 

Yamaguchi nodded, staring at his shoes, “Y-yeah, sorry about that.”

 

She shook her head, “No, it’s fine.”

 

Her tone of voice said that it wasn’t fine, but there wasn’t much they could do about that.

 

Without waiting for a response, Mori turned around, and Tsukishima could have sworn that he heard her mutter something about, “Is the whole goddamn volleyball team gay?”


End file.
